So so so true. I stopped saying 'should' back in 2008, before kids anyway. It's on a blacklist. Maybe this is a reason I've no (time for thinking about) regrets.
You write about it so beautifully.
I do love to suggest or interupt with 'could' whenever someone says they should do something and I can sense they it's grating. They often repeat the sentence with 'could' and it feels sooooo much better to them and me listening.
I dont feel any regret when I think back with could. I mean, I could have climbed Denali (a mountain Alaska), but didn't.
You're way ahead of me, Ciaran! I'm intrigued as to why and how you stopped saying 'should' and the specificity of the date. I'd love to hear that story.
A beautiful reminder, Bernadette. I find the ‘shoulds’ come more and more insistent where we feel responsible but also that we lack agency. Our ‘shouldee’ can be influenced but not controlled. No wonder ageing parents, children and creativity are so often the targets of should.
So happy to see you here. I will never forget the important lessons about stories that I learned from you. I’m putting all of it to very good use in my Substack.
Wise words Bernadette! I am really enjoying your 'stack', both for the perfect portions in terms of size and also your beautiful wisdom on the important things. One twist on 'should' that I like is 'get to': I get to cook dinner, I get to work on a copy-edit, I get to pull weeds. It gives me the push into gratitude that I often need.
There was a time when I would argue that 'words' were unimportant. I've changed that view over time. Liza pulls me up when I say 'should' in conversation with my daughter, Zia. I do this when I am largely unconscious.
So so so true. I stopped saying 'should' back in 2008, before kids anyway. It's on a blacklist. Maybe this is a reason I've no (time for thinking about) regrets.
You write about it so beautifully.
I do love to suggest or interupt with 'could' whenever someone says they should do something and I can sense they it's grating. They often repeat the sentence with 'could' and it feels sooooo much better to them and me listening.
I dont feel any regret when I think back with could. I mean, I could have climbed Denali (a mountain Alaska), but didn't.
You're way ahead of me, Ciaran! I'm intrigued as to why and how you stopped saying 'should' and the specificity of the date. I'd love to hear that story.
A beautiful reminder, Bernadette. I find the ‘shoulds’ come more and more insistent where we feel responsible but also that we lack agency. Our ‘shouldee’ can be influenced but not controlled. No wonder ageing parents, children and creativity are so often the targets of should.
It strikes me that you'd have given up on the 'shoulds' a long time ago, Michelle.
If only! I need constant reminders, they sneak back in so so easily…
Beautiful reminder it’s not just our writing that calls us to we carefully choose our words.
What we say and how we say it matters very much.
Agreed, Kelly. And often what we say to ourselves.
Exactly!
Thanks for reminding us to intentionally choose words that give others grace and agency. Your words continue to inspire me. Thank you
I'm so glad you're here, Katy. I will never forget your workshop story.
So happy to see you here. I will never forget the important lessons about stories that I learned from you. I’m putting all of it to very good use in my Substack.
A quietly powerful thought. It linked to something Sue Heatherinfon wrote this morning:
https://mailchi.mp/bbe81fcfdc66/what-if-words-are-like-water?e=66f01aede9
Have you found a way to harness the power of your words, Richard?
Great question. Stumbling my way to understanding what lies beneath the words i use that are easy to take for granted :-)
Wise words Bernadette! I am really enjoying your 'stack', both for the perfect portions in terms of size and also your beautiful wisdom on the important things. One twist on 'should' that I like is 'get to': I get to cook dinner, I get to work on a copy-edit, I get to pull weeds. It gives me the push into gratitude that I often need.
Oh, I love that re-frame, Liz. I'll try that too!
There was a time when I would argue that 'words' were unimportant. I've changed that view over time. Liza pulls me up when I say 'should' in conversation with my daughter, Zia. I do this when I am largely unconscious.
You're a great dad, Lee.
Thanks, B.
So many shoulds …
Well written, thank you for the reminder of better ways of thinking.
Thanks for being here, Dale.
I’m forwarding this to a few special people in my life.
Thanks for being here, Sally. I'm glad this post resonated with you. I hope it helps.