Thank you, Bernadette. When I offer empathy, even if only in my thoughts, I am so much less annoyed, aggrieved, troubled in spirit. And, yes, I judge myself less harshly when I inevitably, humanly, fall short of my own standards.
Thanks Bernadette. I spoke up this week when someone got on the ‘those people aren’t trying’ train. How I’m going is a mixed bag, though I hope the broader trajectory is upward.
Love this message! It is so important. "Empathy is never about having the answers. The real empathy question isn’t whether someone’s earned our patience – it’s whether we’re willing to ask why they need it. That’s a muscle every one of us already has. And like any muscle we’re trying to build, it takes practice."
My training in Internal Family Systems (IFS) helped solidify this as an essential value for me. If everyone is a collection of different PARTS all activated and triggered for various reasons, and are essentially children in their motives and decision-making then we must try and shift from judgment to curiosity. Great post x
It takes empathy, but it also takes courage and curiosity, Bernadette. To truly help her, yourself, and the rest of the class, someone (do you mean me?) must approach her, get to know her, hear and understand her story. Maybe there’s a good reason she’s late; maybe she’s never been held to a standard; maybe…there’s lots of possible reasons. Guessing is speculation disguised. Speculation rarely uncovers the truth behind the action.
I hear you, Penn. There is no opportunity to do this as she avoids all interaction (even eye contact) with others and is avoidant with the instructors who try. Sadly, I can only speculate but my best guess is that she may have a neurodevelopmental disorder like ADHD.
Thank you, Bernadette. When I offer empathy, even if only in my thoughts, I am so much less annoyed, aggrieved, troubled in spirit. And, yes, I judge myself less harshly when I inevitably, humanly, fall short of my own standards.
Ditto, Michelle. And I'm still learning. Although twice this week I've had the courage to say to someone: 'You don't know their story.'
How are you doing this week? x
Thanks Bernadette. I spoke up this week when someone got on the ‘those people aren’t trying’ train. How I’m going is a mixed bag, though I hope the broader trajectory is upward.
Glad to hear the good news about the broader trajectory, Michelle.
Bernadette – today’s post warrants an emptying of my inventory of descriptors:
This one is a gem, a keeper, because it's a meditation with the power to change a person’s heart.
I just need a mantra to carry this lesson with me. I’m thinking I should be telling myself, “Wonder, not censure,” but I’m open to better offers.
Thank you for always shining a light on what speaks to your heart, Gary. It helps me to be a better writer and human.
Love this message! It is so important. "Empathy is never about having the answers. The real empathy question isn’t whether someone’s earned our patience – it’s whether we’re willing to ask why they need it. That’s a muscle every one of us already has. And like any muscle we’re trying to build, it takes practice."
So glad it spoke to you today, Virginia.
All your posts do, even if I miss sending a message on each one. You cause thoughtful reflection.
That means a lot, Virginia. Thanks again for being here.
My training in Internal Family Systems (IFS) helped solidify this as an essential value for me. If everyone is a collection of different PARTS all activated and triggered for various reasons, and are essentially children in their motives and decision-making then we must try and shift from judgment to curiosity. Great post x
Thanks for being here, Lee and for taking the time to reflect with me. I like the judgement to curiosity framing.
It takes empathy, but it also takes courage and curiosity, Bernadette. To truly help her, yourself, and the rest of the class, someone (do you mean me?) must approach her, get to know her, hear and understand her story. Maybe there’s a good reason she’s late; maybe she’s never been held to a standard; maybe…there’s lots of possible reasons. Guessing is speculation disguised. Speculation rarely uncovers the truth behind the action.
I have several ideas on how I would approach this situation and why, but will only share privately.
I hear you, Penn. There is no opportunity to do this as she avoids all interaction (even eye contact) with others and is avoidant with the instructors who try. Sadly, I can only speculate but my best guess is that she may have a neurodevelopmental disorder like ADHD.
💕💕💕
💗
I think leadiing with the question WHY is probably the best way to make the other person think and aware of a behavior...
Thanks for reflecting with me, Claudia.