Glimpses Of Good
Notes on choosing how we see the world
These days, whenever I talk to my dad, he inevitably wants to turn the topic to current affairs. Because he is mostly housebound, my dad’s world is shrinking. His fear and rage at his own declining health, mobility and capacity to do the things he could do even a few months ago are redirected towards the weather or the distant political players. He seems to find solace in being angry at situations he can’t control.
All attempts to steer the conversation to more hopeful ground are futile.
By contrast, there is the remarkable woman who works behind the counter at a shop in the inner Melbourne suburb where I live. We’ve often exchanged smiles and casual conversation about her teenage children, her son studying for his final exams and applying to university, and the family’s holiday plans.
The other day, across the glass counter, she mentioned in passing that her husband died twenty months ago. My heart dropped a couple of floors. Instinctively, I reached out and touched her arm, both of our forearms resting momentarily on the cool glass as we looked into each other’s eyes before the words, ‘I’m so sorry,’ finally left my lips.
‘The kids are lucky to have two lovely, supportive families,’ she said, as we broke apart.
In the face of such a huge loss so early in life, this woman walks through the world radiating positive energy and light, not ignoring her suffering but choosing to look for, as writer Helen Garner says in her diaries, ‘glimpses of good'. And in making that choice, she bestows the gift of learning how to see the world through that lens on others.
A beautiful reminder. And also your Dad is feeling his time and energy running out, while he steeps in physical pain, where the woman at the shop can hope or expect to live around and beyond her pain, maybe? My Dad tended to hug the darkness to him in his latter years, it was hard to witness. I suspected it is one kind of Celtic heritage. A therapist once told me that anger is easier for some people to feel than grief and fear. His pain and suffering encouraged me to turn to the good (and get therapy when needed). Here’s to seeking the good and in good company.
We have so many choices. It is good to remember that choosing a positive path has an impact on other people. Thanks for the reminder.