Melbourne, the city I am lucky to call home, is notorious for its changeable weather. It’s not unusual to experience four seasons in a day here. Melburnians are adept at responding to changing conditions. We pack both a sun hat and an umbrella–because you never know.
Typically, humans do not act similarly to conditions that change our state of mind. If only we could treat our unhelpful thoughts and emotions like the weather in our heads and respond accordingly.
Picture the scene. You’re travelling happily through your day when an email you’ve been waiting for lands in your inbox. Your heart beats a little faster as you open it. You scan the opening sentences hopefully, and when you read the body of the email it hits you like a gut punch – the rejection you didn’t expect, the request for a redo that you don’t have time to take on right now when you have so much on your plate, the refusal to entertain your idea.
The sudden cloud of this bad news passes over you like a summer storm you are unprepared for. So what do you do? Because your amygdala is firing and your stress response is activated, you react instead of responding. You forget to breathe and take shelter while you regroup. Your emotions go into overdrive, and logic goes out the window. You don’t respond, you react –perhaps firing off an angry email or berating yourself for trying and failing.
Thinking about this emotional response as the weather in your head can be helpful. If the weather suddenly changes, you act accordingly. You put on or take off a coat, you open an umbrella.
A big part of my work in becoming a writer has involved learning how to respond to rejection. I would not be typing these words to you right now if I hadn’t learned how to respond to the bad weather of the market, the opinions of others and my own limitations. Learning to respond rather than react helps me to keep going.
As Dr Dan Siegel explains, each of us has the power to redirect our emotional reactions and respond as we might to external weather conditions. You may not be able to change the weather, but once you become aware of it, you can change how you respond.
The story we tell ourselves is the story that matters most.
Thank you for being here and for giving me another reason to write.
Image credit: Nii SHU
Discussion about this post
No posts
Twice this week people i care about have lost it completely when dealing with other humans. Each time Ive counselled keeping their powder dry until the metaphorical storm cloud passes so they don’t strike people with their lightning.
You did well in readjusting your attitude. I have just finished reading Every Shade of Love, and when I gave a short description to my husband, he decided to read it too. The characters, settings, and clash of cultures move the family stories along and add to the attraction of the love story. Thank you for having a clear view of what your work can accomplish and for not letting the rejection change your story.