Promises, Promises
Sadly, I didn’t manage to write the thousand words I planned each weekday in December. Other priorities took over and broke the writing momentum I had built earlier in the year.
I often make promises to myself, but I don’t always keep them. Maybe you do too.
Around 46 BC, Julius Caesar tweaked the calendar and established January 1st as the beginning of the new year. The month was named after the two-faced god Janus, whom the Romans believed could see deep into the past and far into the future. They offered him sacrifices to atone for past mistakes and promised to do better in the coming year.
Today, we make resolutions to ourselves on January 1st. We’ve stuck with the tradition but forsaken the gods. And yet, despite the absence of an all-seeing god, we’ve held onto the weight of judgement. The sense that, deep down, we’re not quite good enough, and the notion that change requires nothing less than an unwavering commitment and iron will.
The word ‘resolve’ originates from the Latin ‘resolvere,’ meaning to loosen or untie. By the 1540s, it meant to solve a problem once and for all. When we resolve to do something, we commit to finishing what we started. There is no room for a misstep; if we slip up, it feels like we’ve failed.
But there’s another way to create positive change in our lives. Instead of making another resolution that’s nearly impossible to stick to, we can set an intention.
An intention is a guiding principle that grounds you in the present. It’s less about what you’ll accomplish and more about who you want to be.
A resolution might be, ‘I will lose 5 kilos.’ An intention says, ‘I will treat my body with respect.’ One is success or failure. The other is a practice that grants us grace.
With an intention, you can make mistakes without giving up. You might stray or get off track, but you can always reset. You don’t need to be perfect; you just need to know where you’re headed and why.
Instead of another promise we’re likely to break by February, we need something constant to come back to when we feel lost.
Janus may have been able to look into the past and the future. But now, we’re learning to look inside ourselves.
I didn’t write a thousand words a day in December, but I’m writing to you today as intended. That’s what intentions show us - we don’t have to wait for January 1st to start afresh. We can begin again on any ordinary day. We can always choose who we want to be and act accordingly.
The new year doesn’t have to be about total transformation. It could be a time when we remember that every moment can be an ending and a beginning. And we get to choose which one we embrace.
You’re such a catalyst for creative thinking, Bernadette.
Your discussion about ‘resolve’ and ‘intention’ got me thinking of another word related to this topic, ‘resilience’.
It seems maintaining one’s intention requires a good deal of resilience because occasionally you’re going to have to bounce back from missteps and setbacks.
That word used to conjure up an image of an inflated punching dummy, the ones weighted at the bottom that bounce back and right themselves no matter how many times you knock them over.
But someone once suggested a better image for resilience. Think of watching a drunk going down a narrow hotel hallway. You’d see someone bouncing from wall to wall but always maintaining a forward momentum. Sure, there are deflections along the way, but the direction remains the same. The intention stays intact.
Both are resilient but one just absorbs the blows. The other keeps moving forward, even if the path isn't pretty.
If I'm striving to be resilient, I'd rather be the drunk going down a hallway than the punching dummy. However, I might need to workshop that analogy before I use it as my Substack tagline.
Love the framing. The resolution approach doesnt work for me - that cliff edge feel to them. Maybe a resolution with a little breathing space in it (for when life gets in the way) does ... but I think that is safely into intention territory. I have also found intentions build habits or personal brand characteristics.